Monthly Archives: January 2012
I am a firm believer in the “well they won’t do that again” school of learning. That’s how I grew up. Stick a penny in the light socket – I didn’t do that again. Climb on a tower of randomly assembled household items to reach the top shelf – I didn’t do that again, either (okay one more time but I swear never again after that).
This is why when is see others engaging in behavior that is inherently stupid, I want them to have a “they won’t do that again” moment. One the biggest acts of stupidity and the one that brought me to this tirade are women who do not leave themselves enough time to get ready in the morning.
Today I was in traffic behind a woman applying mascara in rush hour traffic. Okay, I will admit to the odd lipstick application behind the wheel, but I cannot imagine taking a plastic bar, covered in stiff bristles, slathered with black goop to my eye while doing the rush hour bunny-hop. I envision something like that going very badly.
For some reason, I found myself hoping this woman would rear-end the person in front of her. I wanted her to poke her eye out so I could say, “well, she won’t do that again.” I wanted her to walk around with an eye-patch for the rest of her life, so she could be a lesson of other women who think their dashboard is an extension of their bathroom vanity.
Ditto for the woman I saw barreling down the road at eighty miles per hours, with a Starbucks and cell phone in her left hand, and a curling iron in her right. What was she using to steer? Her foot? I wanted a deer to run out in front of her so she would be forced to drop the hot iron and coffee in her lap. After six or seven skin grafts, she wouldn’t do that again.
The scary part of thinking this way is I’m the one who will go to hell for feeling this way.
I’m just sayin’. ~V
Yesterday morning was one of those days. It was hectic getting the kids fed and I was running late. When I got to my car I realized that my pants had pink quill pens on them – not my usual day job attire to be sure. I had in all the running around forgotten to change out of my pajamas.
For those of you wondering what this has to do with embracing change stay with me I’m onto something.
I’m a big believer that if the universe is slapping you around, or making you late for work, there’s a reason. Like maybe trying to point out you forgot to put your close on? Possibly.
The problem is I don’t like change and neither do you. Admit it!
That’s why we feel like we’re being slapped around. We’re resisting a river of change that is trying to sweep us into a new and better direction. The path we are meant to go down.
My friends and I have been facing a lot of universe slap downs lately (I’m sure you’re facing a few yourself) and we’re resisting. Things have been good for us so why do we need to change?
The truth is change will happen with or without our consent, so instead of standing next to our cosmic car of life, shivering in our jammies, wondering how we got here, it’s time to put on our swimsuits, grab some floaties and ride these rapids until we discover where this tide is taking us.
“Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” ~ Arnold Bennett
I have a lot of what I like to call “theories” – others I won’t name (Jennifer) call them crazy ideas – that I stockpile to explain the way the world works or should work in my mind.
The shall not be named person will on occasion throw one of my more “creative” theories around to her friends in an effort to enlighten them on how the world ought to be (according to just me). The most recent favorite “theory” is that of purse size.
My purse is the size of an extra large diaper bag. I do not carry this purse because I have a need to allay some latent Sherpa tendencies – no I carry this behemoth to make my butt look smaller.
You see a hobbit sized purse makes your butt look bigger and a diaper bag like mine makes your butt appear smaller.
If you think about it this “theory” is sound. Small stuff makes everything around it appear larger. Try it for yourself.
Grab a tea cup – you know the frilly fussy little things that came with your good china. Now look at your hand. Look at those sausage fingers of yours! That paw is HUGE!
Next grab an extra large coffee mug – you know the kind you drink from every morning. Now look at your hand. Look at those delicate, slender, dainty fingers. Your hand is so TINY!
The effect is the same for your butt, just substitute purse for the cups, thighs for fingers, and butt for paw and hand.
I’m just sayin’. ~V