Tag Archives: Fun
Sorry I Raised Your Blood Pressure!
So one of my missions is to make people smile therefore I am prone to cracking jokes to lighten the moment. Unfortunately, some people find this very annoying. To them I say, “Sorry won’t be stopped.”
Recently I did my usual cracking of joke when a woman who was unrelated to the conversation blurted out, “Sarcasm is the sign of a weak intellect.”
Um, ouch.
Of course not to be outdone I shot back, “And bitchiness is the sign of a bankrupt soul.”
Did I do wrong? I think maybe I did. I’m snarky when under attack but this goes against my spread a smile mantra. She definitely wasn’t smiling.
She increased my stress level and I increased hers – where’s the win there?
I was reading in The Dragonfly Effect that watching a funny YouTube video can dramatically lower your stress level, so bankrupt-soul-lady if you’re out there the video below is for you. Watch it. Smile. Lower your blood pressure. I think the books said you have to watch for 5 minutes so watch it a few times.
Just Sayin’ – Sorry,
Am I Going To Hell? Who’s With Me!
I am a firm believer in the “well they won’t do that again” school of learning. That’s how I grew up. Stick a penny in the light socket – I didn’t do that again. Climb on a tower of randomly assembled household items to reach the top shelf – I didn’t do that again, either (okay one more time but I swear never again after that).
This is why when is see others engaging in behavior that is inherently stupid, I want them to have a “they won’t do that again” moment. One the biggest acts of stupidity and the one that brought me to this tirade are women who do not leave themselves enough time to get ready in the morning.
Today I was in traffic behind a woman applying mascara in rush hour traffic. Okay, I will admit to the odd lipstick application behind the wheel, but I cannot imagine taking a plastic bar, covered in stiff bristles, slathered with black goop to my eye while doing the rush hour bunny-hop. I envision something like that going very badly.
For some reason, I found myself hoping this woman would rear-end the person in front of her. I wanted her to poke her eye out so I could say, “well, she won’t do that again.” I wanted her to walk around with an eye-patch for the rest of her life, so she could be a lesson of other women who think their dashboard is an extension of their bathroom vanity.
Ditto for the woman I saw barreling down the road at eighty miles per hours, with a Starbucks and cell phone in her left hand, and a curling iron in her right. What was she using to steer? Her foot? I wanted a deer to run out in front of her so she would be forced to drop the hot iron and coffee in her lap. After six or seven skin grafts, she wouldn’t do that again.
The scary part of thinking this way is I’m the one who will go to hell for feeling this way.
I’m just sayin’. ~V
Theories
I have a lot of what I like to call “theories” – others I won’t name (Jennifer) call them crazy ideas – that I stockpile to explain the way the world works or should work in my mind.
The shall not be named person will on occasion throw one of my more “creative” theories around to her friends in an effort to enlighten them on how the world ought to be (according to just me). The most recent favorite “theory” is that of purse size.
My purse is the size of an extra large diaper bag. I do not carry this purse because I have a need to allay some latent Sherpa tendencies – no I carry this behemoth to make my butt look smaller.
You see a hobbit sized purse makes your butt look bigger and a diaper bag like mine makes your butt appear smaller.
If you think about it this “theory” is sound. Small stuff makes everything around it appear larger. Try it for yourself.
Grab a tea cup – you know the frilly fussy little things that came with your good china. Now look at your hand. Look at those sausage fingers of yours! That paw is HUGE!
Next grab an extra large coffee mug – you know the kind you drink from every morning. Now look at your hand. Look at those delicate, slender, dainty fingers. Your hand is so TINY!
The effect is the same for your butt, just substitute purse for the cups, thighs for fingers, and butt for paw and hand.
I’m just sayin’. ~V
